Quintessence of the Loon

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Honey, I'm home!The Home Page of Madame Guillotine added 28 April 1999
This lady is married to a guillotine. Far be it from me to comment on anyone's choice of life partner, but I thought this was a bit odd. Then I got to thinking about the advantages. She always knows where he is on Saturday nights and what time he'll be home from work. He's easy to cook for and can even help with the preparation. He doesn't want to play golf and never shouts at the referee during football matches. She can stand on him to change light bulbs. He doesn't need to rent a tuxedo to go to the opera - just a lick of black paint and a bit of polish on the chopper.

The music is lovely all over this site, and so appropriate. While you are looking at the site, don't forget to go to the guillotine's own home page. He loves her, too.

When this site was added in April 1999, this lady said she was married to a guillotine. Now she says she is married to the Berlin Wall and has been since 1979. I assume she decided she was a widow after the wall came down and that is why she took up with the guillotine, but now it looks like she is grieving for the wall all over again and has forgotten her later love. She still has the same music, however, and the site is still called "guillotine". What a fickle person! PB October 2000

Loon of the Month

Another tough call for Loon of the Month. I finally decided on the dog diaper because of the ineffable silliness of it. Anyone can marry a machine, expose an assassination or reinvent physics. Not everyone can solve the really pressing issues of our time.
A nappied-up doberman. Are you brave enough to try?The Dog Diaper Home Page added 21 April 1999
"The woman was screaming and holding her head. I pushed past her and looked into the room beyond, unprepared for the shock. There was blood everywhere, on the walls, on the carpet. In the middle of the room was a human hand, an expensive watch on what was left of the wrist. In three corners of the room sat three dogs - a Doberman, a Rottweiler and a pit bull. All were licking their lips, and in front of each dog was a red cloth object like a turban.

"I turned to the woman, who had calmed down a little, and said 'What happened here?' Through sobs, she said 'My husband was going to take the dogs for a walk. He just went in to put the diapers on them'. I understood. Dogs can stand only so much embarrassment."
(Extract from my new novel "Cerberus: Dog Psychiatrist")

Di. (Sob!)Princess Diana Murder Conspiracy added 14 April 1999
We gasped when we heard the news. We cried during the funeral on TV. We tensed up, waiting for Elton John to miss a note while singing those new, unfamiliar words. We applauded the enraged brother when he put the boot into the inlaws. We bought millions of flowers, cards, and copies of the song. We lost countless hours of work comforting each other around coffee machines. What we didn't do was laugh. But some people were laughing. Secretly. The Queen, the Pope, Bill Clinton just to name a few. These were the people who had conspired with the security forces of the world and the Paris traffic authorities to assassinate the most loved person in the world and her consort, The Arab. What more can I say? This site says enough. More than enough, actually.

Like Diana and Dodi, this site is no more. Perhaps the conspirators got to the site owner and convinced him to keep quiet. Maybe they took him on a car ride through a tunnel. PB October 2000

Jaques Benveniste. Note the white coat- he's a scientist.DigiBio added 7 April 1999
Jacques Benveniste used to tell us that water has a memory. Now he tells us that he can transmit the biological properties (or even the magical homeopathic qualities) of chemicals by email. He is, of course, being oppressed by the great French conspiracy to preserve the teachings of Descartes, as well as by the Newtonian/Einsteinian axis of conventional science. Dr Benveniste is one of the most honoured scientists of our time, having won an unprecedented TWO Ig Nobel awards and getting the 1998 Pigasus Award from James Randi. Now he is a Quintessence laureate, can canonisation be far away? (I was channelling the spirit of Rene Descartes the other day and I asked him about his intellectual descendent. Rene cogitated for a while and then said "nil cogitat ergo loon est".)

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