Agricultural Institute: Starting Out with the Cosmic Pipe
added 31 August 1999
of homeopathy to farming. This time, you don't just spray the stuff
on, you run it through pipes under the ground. The pipes have to
be arranged in a certain pattern, of course, so that the cosmic
energy can be properly applied. I suppose if you lose the map, you
could always get a dowser along to find the pipes later.
(It concerns me a little that this system uses PVC pipes,
which seems to negate the organicness of the whole thing. Environmentalists
keep telling us how deadly PVC is. If I had these pipes in my garden
I would be a bit worried that Greenpeace might dump a dead whale
on my front step, or whatever it is they do these days to protest
about plastic pipes.)
It looks like this site has gone to the great compost heap
in the sky. Maybe they didn't fertilise it enough, or perhaps
the PVC pipes really did poison the ground.
PB October 2000
Vibratory Physics - John W. Keely added
29 August 1999
At last, a perpetual motion machine. Here
we have the Keely Motor, powered by Forces Unknown To Science (FUTS).
The diagram at the right explains some of the essential physics
of the process. At least I think that's what it does. My ignorance
of perpetual motion is total, but I met a physicist in a bar once
and, just before he fell off his stool, he explained to me why the
bubbles in Guinness never stop moving. There was a pattern of beer
coasters and wet rings on the bar in front of him that looked just
like the picture. I never saw him again, but I am sure he gave me
a clue to his secret project, because just before he landed in the
peanut shells on the floor I heard him say "damn gravity".
(This site also has something about the IRS. I wondered what
this had to do with the subject, but then it occurred to me - there
is nothing more unstoppable than a taxation department. A perpetual
Loon of the Month
|It was nearly
a tie this month for Loon of the Month. A couple were easy
to eliminate - after all, who hasn't invented a perpetual
motion machine or two, and everyone has experienced the
feeling of talking backwards, like that time when you had
to explain to the traffic cop why you were wearing a paisley
tuxedo and a fez, singing "Light My Fire" a semitone
flat and driving around with a southern right whale on the
roof of the VW.
I finally decided on the solar anomaly because the owners
of the site seemed as befuddled by it as I am. Honesty should
Solar Anomaly added 18 August
Funny things are going on with the Sun.
Just last week, the whole thing disappeared over much of
Europe, but luckily it came back again after a while. It
is beyond coincidence that a solar eclipse should occur
approximately almost exactly on the day when the year between
the introduction of a new European currency and the end
of the millennium is split by the Golden Ratio. They have
been warned. (Note for pedants: The ratio is the same if
you think the millennium ends at the end of 2000, just upside-down.
this is different. I am not an astronomer so I don't understand
much of this web site, but it appears that strange objects
are orbiting the Sun. Powerful analysis tools like the GIMP
from Linux have been used in the investigation. Sometimes
the pictures of the Sun show it to be dark blue, but I assume
that (like in old movies) this just means that the pictures
were taken at night. Who knows what is going on? The web
site owners say they don't know. I don't know. Do you?
The World's Largest Ball of Twine
added 18 August 1999
So you don't
miss out, this is a reminder that the weekend of the third Saturday
in August is annual twine winding time in Cawker City, Kansas, USA,
when additions are made to the world's largest ball of string. Winding
is on Friday, and the picnic and parade are on Saturday. Tie a bit
of string around your finger so you don't forget. Unfortunately,
I can't be there because I have to go to a wedding. I will have
a cup of Twinings tea after the happy couple tie the knot.
Homeopathy added 15 August 1999
don't plant 'taters, he don't plant cotton, and them that plants
them are soon forgotten, but old Sam Hahnemann, he just keeps rollin'
Forget about genetic engineering, pesticides, artificial fertilisers
and all the other horrors that the military-agribusiness-complex
tells us we need to increase crop yields. Finally, after about 200
years, the work of Samuel Hahnemann is starting to bear fruit (sorry!).
We always knew how effective homeopathy was for people and racehorses,
but now it has moved into the plant world. Sufferin' succussed succotash!
Don't put this stuff on your lawn unless you have already started
the mower engine and have a compass handy. The people I feel sorry
for, though, are the agricultural chiropractors who will lose all
that work adjusting and straightening wheat stalks.
(Speaking of the military-agribusiness-complex or MAC. Have
you ever wondered why it's called a "Big MAC" when the
company's name is "McDonalds" without the "a"?
Now you know.)
Speech added 10 August 1999
Imagine the scenario. A politician gets up to speak, and suddenly
sensible ideas come out of his mouth. Not only that, but the eloquence
of his arguments, his compassion for the underprivileged, his honesty
and his family values bring a lump to your throat. You sleep restlessly
that night, your dreams filled with the imagery and cadences of
his oratory. You awake to the sound of the newspaper hitting the
porch, and rush to read the transcript of the speech, to experience
the wonder again. And what do you get? Words. Platitudes, Banality.
And then the truth hits you. You need to hear these words, not read
them, in order to get the hidden messages. Written, it's just noise;
spoken, it's music.
Right. Listen to me carefully. I have a bridge for sale here
in Sydney. It works both forwards and backwards. It is cheap. Listen
to me. Read the words aloud. The truth is in there.
Renaming A Boat added
10 August 1999
Ah, Jim lad. I be thinkin' that we've
seen no clear skies since we changed the name of the good ship "Armadillo's
Cutlass" to "The Haranguer". It be bad luck to change
without askin' the boat first. I well remember the words of old
Blind Panick when he told the White Star people: 'Don't change the
name from "Anorexia Nervosa". No good will come of callin'
a ship "Titanic"'.