I usually leave alternative medicine practitioners and medical
quacks to my colleagues over at
The Millenium Project,
but sometimes there is a level of loonity that requires special
attention. This month I featured some who are so mad they think
the moon howls back at them. Note - I do not endorse any of this
stuff. Don't try it at home. In fact, don't try it anywhere.
Machines - Robert Miller MS MA added
31 October 1999
You know how you go around clearing up the
place before your mother visits (or before the cleaning lady arrives)?
Well, if you are off to see your therapist you wouldn't want a dirty
aura, so it's a good thing that you can buy an aura cleaner. If
you are a therapist or a doctor, you may want to get a psychic vacuum
cleaner (available in both domestic and commercial versions) to
suck up all those bad vibrations that sick people leave behind.
Let's face it, it's bad enough when your energy levels are askew
and your chakras are discoordinated without getting sicker from
breathing someone else's psychic exhaust.
This site is suspended. Maybe Bob didn't pay his bill, or
maybe the site is suspended in the air by powerful suction.
PB October 2000
American Healing - Lewis Mehl-Madrona, M.D., Ph.D.
added 31 October 1999
"Coyote's wristwatch is a chemical clock, a flash
of nature that alternates once a second between all of its molecules
appearing perhaps blue and the next second, appearing red. No scientist
would have believed in such chemical clocks if they had not been
observed. Coyote, however, 'knew' in the space between the molecules,
mocking our order of sense and propriety."
Is it Coyote's wristwatch which flashes or is this another case
of coloured molecules? Dr Mehl-Madrona informs us that the word "chakra"
was not only used by both Native Americans and Eastern Gurus, but
it meant the same to both. Does Dr Mehl-Madrona suggest that there
is a common source for these ancient healing arts, or is the trickster
Coyote confounding us?
The Book of Quintessence
added 31 October 1999
I just had
to add this one, especially as this 15th century book on alchemy
has instructions on "how old, virtuous men with feeble bodies
might be restored and regain the strength of their youth in the
same manner as in all bodies and be made perfectly whole".
Loon of the Month
Loon of the Month was difficult. Most of the proponents
appear to be barking mad (even Dr Mehl-Madrona who thinks
he is a Coyote, an animal which usually does not bark).
I decided on Linus Pauling because he was a significant
real scientist before he became an "expert" on
something he knew nothing about.
I normally award the prize to the site owners, but, as
they add nothing to the work of Professor Pauling, I have
decided to make a posthumous award to Linus Pauling himself.
Like his Nobel Prizes, it will be unshared. The site owners
may hold the award in trust.
Pauling's Hidden Cure for Heart Disease
added 26 October 1999
Pauling, who died in 1994, was the only person to win two
unshared Nobel Prizes. He was awarded the Chemistry Prize
in 1954 for his work on chemical bonds in complex molecules,
and the Peace Prize in 1963 for his tireless work towards
nuclear disarmament. He had to do no more to be one of the
most significant figures of the 20th century. But he didn't
stop there. He started giving advice on nutrition and health.
(You can see an
obituary of Professor Pauling here.)
is not Professor Pauling's web site. It is all about him
and tells us over and over, repetitively and often how great
and ignored and suppressed he was. It sells video tapes
of Linus Pauling and books by him and some potions which
cure things according to his teachings (although it does
mention in fine print that none of the money goes to his
estate). Conspiracy theories abound (including the suggestion
that the government wants the site removed). This is actually
a metaloon site - the authors are obsessed with someone
There is no doubt that Linus Pauling was a great chemist
and a great humanitarian. It's a pity that he will be remembered
as a great quack. Still, some would say that two out of
three ain't bad.
Jon Whale Ph.D. - Whale Medical added
21 October 1999
Many people would be familiar with the
term "assembly point". It's where you go when there is
a fire alarm or bomb threat at the office, everyday occurrences
here at the Ratbags.Com HQ. It's that part of a car factory where
the second-last component is added. (The last, randomly-chosen part
is fitted by the dealer three weeks after you buy the car.) It's
where you meet your guide for a ten-minute tour of the Louvre or
a four-hour inspection of a McDonalds kitchen.
Dr Whale Ph.D has discovered the "assemblage point",
indicated by the green dot on the chest of the winged man in the
picture. Woe betide you if your
assemblage point is not where it should be, because that means your
vibrations, chakras and aura are not doing their best for you. Help
is at hand, though, because Dr Whale Ph.D has invented a machine
to fix things. The machine shines coloured lights on you, and a
fine machine it is too, with lots of buttons and flashing lights.
This machine cures lots of ailments, but Dr Whale gets a "Must
try harder" comment for not curing cancer or AIDS.
(I defer to Dr Whale's expertise about the effects of colour,
but the light green text on a light blue background on his web site
is very hard for we humans to read. Perhaps Dr Whale should talk
to Dr Van Beveren about how vision and eyes work.)
A. Van Beveren - Biochemist/Physiologist
added 13 October 1999
has a list of all the things he can talk about, and it has more
subjects than the Queen of England. He also has lots of degrees,
including a Doctor of Philosophy in Clinical Physiology. When I
read what he
had to say about how the brain and vision systems work, I thought
he must have been away the day that these things were covered in
his physiology course. Then I found the
his entire life, and it seems that he was away every day. I
have heard of getting a doctorate without actually going to the
university. In fact, I received an email just today from someone
offering to make me a PhD if I sent some money, so I might get one
too. Clinical Anthropology, perhaps, then I too could have my photo
taken with a famous Princeton anthropologist (you will have to find
this for yourself).
To get the full wonder of the science on this site, go to the
colour and scroll down until you see the heading "TECHNICAL
ASPECTS". By the time you have read to where it says "It
has been proven that all cells in all living beings emit biophotons
in a vibrational field which encompasses not just every organism
but every order of magnitude in that organism beginning with the
molecular level on up", your Supra-Chiasmatic Nuclei and
Geniculo-Hypothalamic Tract should be suitably rhythmic.
added 13 October 1999
This is not
really a mad scientist site, but I loved the idea of butterfly essence.
I have this mental picture of someone trying to shovel thousands
of colourful flapping insects into a vat so that they can distil
the essence from them.
I can't find the butterfly essence page any more, but it
has got even better! You can now buy quintessences from
this place! Be still, my beating heart.
PB January 2003
Medicine by Dr. Bertha L. Veronneau added
6 October 1999
Do you remember the science you learnt
at school? It doesn't matter if you have forgotten it, because it
was probably all wrong. For example, did you know that the heart
has seven ventricles and pumps air? I'll bet you thought those models
of molecules you see in museums are just metaphors, but if you look
through a microscope you can see real molecules, and they have little
red, blue and black dots in them. The black dots are metals. Did
you know that the liver chews things and then sends kelp or alfalfa
to the thyroid gland and penicillin to the salivary glands?
could go on and on with these revelations, but it is better if you
read it yourself. I thought of highlighting the best parts but there
are just too many. Dr Veronneau was awarded a prize named after
Dr Albert Schweitzer for a lecture she gave on "The DNA of
Blood", but I can only assume she spoke in Finnish and they
listened in German. She does approve of coffee, though, so I will
go and make a cup. My ventricles could do with a jolt to get them
breathing and purifying again.