Quintessence of the Loon

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What do we want? Everything! When do we want it? Now!Protest.Net: A calendar of protest, meetings, and conferences added 31 January 2000
I used to be a protestor back in the olden days. I get a real nostalgia buzz and want to make love, not war, whenever I smell a mixture of sweat, marijuana and tear gas. I was there in the summer of love, and I am sure I was at Woodstock with the 7,000,000 others who remember being there. You might think that Woodstock wasn't a protest, man, but with at least 12,000,000 people there and only three toilets we were all chanting "Hell, no, we can't go!" We stopped the war, we saved the whales, we sang "The times they are a changin'".

But did the times change? Carlos Santana, hardly fresh from playing to 33,000,000 people at Woodstock, has just been nominated for some enormous number of Grammy awards, and here's a web site all about protesting. I like the way they support protesting about almost anything as long as it involves marching, shouting, fist waving and annoying the cops. Maybe they will give some publicity to our local protest movement about high-rise development in our suburb. We are all pretty radical about this, and I've even put a flower transfer on the back of the Lexus.

By the pricking of my thumbs ...Extra
The Welsh Hedgehog Hospital added 31 January 2000

This is one of those magnificent obsessions I promised to feature here occasionally. I never knew you could do so many things to and with a hedgehog, but someone who lets a daughter keep live rats in the house is probably in no position to criticise other people's choice of favourite animals. I actually like a lot of what these people have to say, although that could be due to breathing the smoke coming from the protestors above here. I certainly would not like to offend these people - click on the picture of a photocopier and see what they say about the lady who didn't bring a book back.

Faster than a speeding photon!!Tachyon - The Source of All Frequencies added 29 January 2000
Well, I'll be bifurcated! I've been working towards my Nobel Prize for physics in my spare time and I've had a little trouble with the last few equations I need to link my Grand Uniting Theory (GUT) to my Theory Of Everything (TOE) and with writing the last few instructions in my computer simulation of the universe, the Knowledge of Nature and Existence Engine (KNEE). Now I understand the significance of the final words in that great cinematic epic "Magnum Force", uttered just after Dirty Harry has multifurcated his boss with a bomb: "A man's gotta know his limitations". I have been limiting myself by naively assuming that the speed of light is not only a constant but also a limitation. The final irony is that I have been doing my programming in C++, a language whose very name shouts (to those who will listen) that there is something beyond "C".

Speaking of the Nobel Prizes, the author of this site must be in the running for the Physics, Chemistry and Physiology & Medicine awards. If they can sell this stuff the Economics prize must be assured, and there is enough fiction there to make the Literature prize a possibility. Unfortunately, the site itself says that Tachyon won't bring world peace so a clean sweep of the awards may not be possible.

Crop Circles added 10 January 2000
Why would aliens come across the universe to Earth and then talk to us by flattening grasses? Were the members of the Kelloggs family aliens? They flattened cereals to make breakfast food. My mother used to make me eat rolled oats (but I was born on an equinox a few months after a lot of UFO sightings, so perhaps there are things she hasn't told me). I thought it was time I looked at crop formations. To make things a bit more interesting, I decided to look at places where patterns in the patterns have been detected.

Crop Formation of Etchilhampton 1993The Code Of Carl Munck, And Ancient Gematrian Numbers
A pattern like the one at right appeared in my lawn one day. I asked the people down at the plant shop and they gave me some stuff to spray on the grass to kill the hoxsey worms. My mistake was not getting out the old maths books and doing some calculations, because then I would have found out how patterns like this contain the condensed wisdom of all mathematical thought. For example, the owner of this site has determined that each of the six arms of this figure is 60 degrees from the next. Amazing! Even more amazing is that the individual circles are all related to the magic number 12 (once you round them a bit, of course). You can find numbers in this formation which can match almost anything, from the number of books in the Bible, to the number of fries in a Happy Meal, to the batting averages of Bradman and The Babe, to the number of ashtrays on a Harley Davidson. You just have to round a lot of the numbers before you can use them. This worried me until I realised that of course you have to round the numbers. These are crop CIRCLES we're talking about. Doh!

Very colourful - grass is not just greenProf. Gerald S. Hawkins' Crop Circle Fifth Theorem
You might wonder how there could be any connection between music and cereals. Well, have you ever thought about how the cornet got its name? What about reed instruments? Hall and Oates? Blue grass? Ry Cooder? Aren't the edges of sedges sharp and the stalks in a crop circle flat? Professor Hawkins has discovered that certain crop formations match the musical scale. Who would have thought that if you put a circle inside a triangle inside a circle inside a triangle and so on you would get figures which relate to each other like a diatonic scale? (If you answered "about every geometer since Plato", you are not playing the game.) You listen to music with your ears. Corn has ears.

Loon of the Month

I have to admit it, I'm a sucker for a good paranoid persecution conspiracy. The protestors didn't make it because they are against everyone, not the other way around. The hedgehoggers noted that it was Saul the Persecutor who kicked against the pricks, I couldn't catch the tachyon people and the crop circlers kept turning up just a few minutes too late.

But Nancy! Sputniks! What more needs to be said?

Danger. Nancy thoughts inside.Nancy added 10 January 2000
You need to be warned. We may have escaped the terrors of Y2K, but there are still lots of people out to get us. The government, the Russians, people with ray guns. I'll bet you thought that Mount St Helen's was a volcano - you were wrong, because it was blown up by sputniks. Worse still, "Washington DC is trying to copy Russian sputniks with gamma ray, x ray, lasers that already exist which might cause the Russians to annihilate US!". Here's some political analysis: "Democracy leads to socialism, which lead so communism, fact of life! That is why Rockefellers' Rich Man's Mafia overthrow our democracy, our government, our constitution! Right wing is the dominant male primate ruling the pack (or a tiny group of the ruling the pack). Homo sapiens are primates, so that means royalty, popes, tribal chiefs, tiny group of rich with their political puppets, tyrants, dictators, etc., ruling the pack or masses or The People." Some people might say than Nancy Luft has a unique view of reality. Such people would be excessively polite, as Nancy appears to not notice reality at all.
Nancy's site occasionally disappears, causing much consternation to her fans. Each time it reappears it seems to be a new version which might not necessarily contain the above quotes from the original. The flavour is still there, though. The Loon of the Month award stands, as Nancy would be a shoo-in in any month. PB April 2001

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