Loon of the Month
|It gets harder
all the time to pick a Loon of the Month. I was quite taken
with the idea of spontaneous invisibility because it would
be really handy if I get pulled over by the cops and they
want to ask me about the herbal substances in my CD player,
but the prize just had to go to the DNA recoding. I've been
practising on my cat to see if I can turn her into a python.
I'm still having trouble getting the fur to turn into scales,
but at least I've got her shedding her whole skin at once
so I don't sneeze as much as I used to.
Nibiruan Council added 28 February
I can only quote from the site to
tell you what this is about: "This website was created
at the request of the 9D Nibiruan Council (the Ancient Ones)
for those who seek the higher perspective of compassion.
It was created for those seeking to recode their DNA, ascend
and to help others to the same." Recode your DNA?
I like the idea. I also like the idea of beings coming from
somewhere else (another planet, another galaxy, another
universe?) to help us get our chromosomes in tip-top shape.
got to thinking about how I would like to recode my DNA
and whose DNA I would like to recode it with. I decided
to put my thoughts to music. Students of ephemera may remember
that massive hit song of 1999, Mambo #5. Here is
the chorus from my version, Genome #9. (Click
here for a midi file to sing
|A little bit of Coltrane,
I can blow,
A little bit of Einstein lets me
A little bit of Ali in the ring,
bit of Elvis makes me sing,
A little bit of Bill
A little bit of Arnie (lose
A little bit of Nureyev in my dance,
A little bit of E. Flynn in my pants.
added 23 February 2000
something a bit different. Everybody has heard about taking herbs
for various things. The problem with herbs is that they don't always
taste good and some might even be bad for you or might make you
break out in a rash or an aria from I Pagliacci. What has
been needed is a safe method of delivering the advantages of herbs
without the side effects. Well, here it is. This site has the sounds
of herbs on it and you can even buy a CD with a pharmacopoeia on
it. You can listen to
Biloba here, or something described as
and Flu". (You might need
The real question for me is why someone doesn't get a whale to
sing the songs. Surely this would make the magic more powerful.
On second thoughts, does it need to be more powerful? Imagine listening
to this on your Walkman in the bus on the way to work when the herbal
Viagra music comes on...
(Another question: Why do people from the USA pronounce "herb"
without the "h"?)
Spontaneous Involuntary Invisibility added
13 February 2000
Donna Higbee reckons that people
can become invisible. Not just go invisible while being abducted
by aliens (everyone knows that you can't be seen while you are away
at the probatorium being checked and mated), but just disappear
while going about their normal business. Ms Higbee's research has
shown that this phenomenon is known to both the Rosicrucians and
the Masons, and I can see why it would be a very useful ability
to have if you belonged to a secret society. The problem isn't,
of course, going invisible when you set off for Lodge, but when
it just happens without you knowing about it. One minute you're
frosting a cake and the next minute the kitchen looks empty except
for the words "Happy Birthday" appearing in pink handwriting.
Like the site says, spontaneous and involuntary.
Ms Higbee gives some nice examples of the phenomenon. There's
Peter who went to the toilet at a party and left the next person
waiting in line because she didn't see him come out, and Jannise
who got arrested but then disappeared back at the station. I have
to take issue with one anecdote, though. Vera claims she went invisible
while waiting in line at the post office. Come on Vera, everyone
feels invisible in a queue at the post office.
Language Studies added
13 February 2000
forget that not everyone speaks English, so I have included some
foreign language lessons to remind us all that there is more than
one way to say something.
Anderson Is Beautiful
Paul Simon told us that there
are 50 ways to leave your lover. This site tells us how many ways
there are to express our feelings for the world's most popular alien
The Bible in Pig Latin
I didn't believe it either. This is apparently the 319th
translation of the complete Bible (actually it's a metatranslation
of the KJV). The original said "There's a time for every purpose
under Heaven", but I wonder if whoever wrote that thought there
would ever be time for this purpose. (Note: the links on this
site are wrong - you have to click on Ohn-jay to get Enesis-gay.)
Klingon Language Institute
You would imagine that
there are enough languages around for people to learn. Ones where
you might actually meet a native speaker one day or where there
is a possibility that you might visit the place where the language
comes from and need to ask directions to McDonalds or the airport.
Here's a language that was made up in case a TV program comes to
life and we need to talk to the characters. I'm a hopeless linguist,
so I was really lucky that the aliens that came out of my TV could
speak English (they only needed three words: "bend", "insert",
(Someone told me once that Klingon is discussed, and even
taught, in universities. If the world goes this mad, how will I
distinguish the loons from the rest?)