Quintessence of the Loon

Previous monthNext monthSeptember 2000

September 2000 also featured a special Quintessence of the Loon edition, "They laughed at Galileo, too!", devoted to mad scientists and mad science.

Glenn and Don - loved by baby boomers and Satan ...The Truth Behind Today's Popular Music added 30 September 2000
You're not going to believe this! I am sitting here listening to Eagles (note correct fan form of address) singing Peaceful Easy Feeling, and I come across this site about what's really in songs. I scroll down a bit and there's, wait for it, the truth behind Hotel California. I just happen to have the Hotel California CD right beside me to play next! But wait, there's more! I put the HC CD in my CD-ROM drive and RealJukebox REFUSES to play it!!! Zero! Zip! Zilch! Not a sound! I click on buttons and sliders, but I might as well be standing on a corner in Winslow, Arizona, or trying to check out from somewhere where I can never leave. Will I have to have my computer exorcised?

I want my mummy!Extra
Felinity added 30 September 2000
I've mentioned my cat here occasionally. Here's some information for cat lovers.

Water polo? Where's my horse?The Olympic Games added 30 September 2000
On the eve of the closing ceremony, it's time to list a few more sports that the IOC forgot to include in the Olympic Games. In my research for this item, I found my next holiday destination. I've driven through Wooli, home of the Goanna Pulling Championships, but I didn't know how much fun you could have there. June busts out all over as Wooli hosts the Goanna Pulling, and you can also go to nearby Grafton for the Weekend of Trucking and the miniature horse show. Bliss! It doesn't get any better than this!

Loon of the Month

I was almost swayed in my selection of Loon of the Month by the way my demon-possessed computer refused to play satanic music, even if only asked to play it forwards. I finally decided that it was a bit harsh on the baby boomers, because lots of weird stuff was going on back then and anyone could be confused by the warm smell of colitas rising up through the air. Suddenly, there were voices down the corridor, I thought I heard them say ...
Welcome to the land of eucalyptus
With its koala bear (though it's not a bear)
Plenty of room for the duck-billed quite weird platypus
And the numbat's here, how did he get here?

It had to be the Awareness Quest Research. After all, how often does world history get so comprehensively revised?

A map of Gosford, just north of Mount Kuring-Gai.Awareness Quest Research - Australian Archaeological Anomalies added 23 September 2000
One of the conundrums of that great intellectual endeavour, Creation Science, has been the distribution of animals. If all the animals were on the Ark, how was it that Australia got all those marsupials? How did the platypus, wallaby and koala get from Turkey to Toukley? (I know the platypus is not a marsupial (it's a monotreme), but it's still weird.) It would have made more sense to find all the pouched critters near the landing site (they don't travel very well) and the placental things spread out over the rest of the world. Also, there was a severe lack of eucalyptus trees on Mount Ararat, making it even harder for koalas to survive. This site provides a glimmer of a clue to an idea which may answer this great question. It seems that there have been archaeological finds in Australia which suggests a connection with the Levant. I am proposing an even more radical notion - that in ancient times, the Middle East was in Australia. Noah did not wind up on Mount Ararat but on Mount Kuring-Gai, an isolated and little-explored area with much marsupial habitat around it. A further clue is that the word "kuring-gai" means "bloody big boat" in the local Aboriginal dialect. You can believe me when I say that. You read it on the Internet.

You can run, but you can't hide ...Marie-José Perec added 23 September 2000
It is sad to find that a site is lost even before it appears. It was reported in the press that noted French non-runner Marie-José Perec had fled the Sydney Olympics to escape from a huge conspiracy which included the media, hotel staff, mysterious stalkers and people who could run fast. The facts about this conspiracy are supposed to be on Mlle Perec's web site, but, alas, the English version is still a work-in-progress and the French version is broken (more conspiracy?). We love conspiracies here at Quintessence of the Loon, so I have included the link in case it starts working again.

It never did get working, and after a while the link just went to some generic French sports site. Cathy Freeman is still smiling enigmatically (and still running faster than M-JP!)

Is he a SEAL or is he a Falcon?The Falcon's Nest added 23 September 2000
You've heard about web designers. You have heard about web sites. Here is the champion of the world. Here is a man with 40,000 web sites, enough to get him a listing in the "Guiness" record book (not to mention an invitation to the Angelfire Christmas party). I didn't actually count them, but it looks like all 40,000 of them are mentioned on this opening page. Unfortunately, they are not links, so I couldn't click on all of them to see what they said. I suppose, though, that if each took as long to load as this one did and I had looked at even a small fraction of them, I would still be writing this during the next Olympics. (Serious warning - this is a BIG web page!)

CGFA- Frederic, Lord Leighton: An Athlete Wrestling with a PythonThe Olympic Games added 15 September 2000
Certius - Altius - Fortius - Loonius
With the Olympic Games starting today, it is time to look at the sports that the IOC forgot. Why are these highly-entertaining and physically-challenging sports excluded? Here is just a sample of the sports that the rest of us play without any hope of gold medals, fancy body-hugging uniforms or volume discounts at the pharmacist's shop. (Thank you to to Carol Gerten-Jackson for the fine picture of an athlete wrestling a python. Python wrestling will be a demonstration sport in 2004.)

Cricket Spitting Dwarf Throwing Unicycle Hockey
Goldfish Swallowing Kangaroo Boxing Llama-assisted Golf
Peanut Butter Wrestling Pike Fighting Cetastrian

James henry Graf - tortureeJames Henry Graf added 15 September 2000
Some would say that the new millennium is here. Others would not, but they can be safely ignored. Mr Graf is sure and tells us here about what is going to happen, and it is not a pretty picture. Harassed and hounded by the forces of evil, he stands alone in warning us that what happened (and is happening even today) to him could be the fate of all of us. Well, of all of you, because I am in Australia where things are safe. For the moment, that is, because who knows what secret deals and civil rights negations are being arranged and agreed by the rich and powerful assembled here for the athletics carnival? Why, the government issued me with a special identity pass only the day before yesterday. They say it is a ticket to the Olympic Games, but I know that it has a microchip in it.

[I notice Mr Graf allows quoting from his site providing that it is not for invidious purposes. I hope I am not invidious]

Mr Graf wrote in with comments, which you can see here. Someone else was really upset and you can see what she had to say on the same page.

The Holy Grail?Chronos Apollonios' Home On Olympus added 11 September 2000
Simply awesome! There is so much material on this site that a million monkeys clicking at a million browsers for a million years would only just scratch the surface. I am amazed that one person can write so much about so much. I was very impressed with the photograph of the Holy Grail, although I was annoyed to find that I had been duped when I bought what was claimed to be the original and only Grail at a garage sale recently. I would have been less gullible if I had seen this wonderful site first.

Tiptoe through the tulips, indeed!Extra
Los Angeles County Coroner's Office Gift Shop // Skeletons in the Closet added 11 September 2000

I used to work in a cemetery. We had a barbeque at work one day, and some insensitive people later accused us of having it in the crematorium. We would not have been so tasteless. I do wish we had thought of mugs and t-shirts, though.

Tom in a wonderful chakra shirtThe Key to the Mystery: Thiaoouba Prophecy, future of humanity... added 11 September 2000
I'm all for learning about things. None of us know all that we should know about how the world works, how we got to be where we are, and who we really are. This book was a revelation to me. In fact it was a bigger revelation than Revelation. Just consider this quote from the site, and see if you don't want to rush out and know more: "This book clarifies practically ALL myths, doctrines and mysteries on Earth and reveals clear logic, beauty and majesty of the Universe, in which EVERYONE OF US has important role to play. There are no theories in this book. No wishful thinking or products of imagination of the author. This is an exact report of the Reality of the Universe." Still, I would be happy to know half of that if I could have one of those shirts (and I love that sculpture in the background).

Keep the kids away from this.Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire ... Hell Fire! added 2 September 2000
Wouldn't it be terrible if the kids got their hands on a book that they liked to read? The fact that they want to read this rubbish just shows how clever the devil is. You can't get them to eat broccoli which is good for them, but you can't keep them away from this fount of temptation and evil. My daughter read a Harry Potter book and the next thing you know she was using the Internet. Worse still, she seems obsessed by witches and I caught her reading something called "Macbeth" from a great big book full of all sorts of stories about people with strange names. She told me that the book was written hundreds of years ago, which was all I needed to know before I burned it. When you go to this site, put cotton wool in your ears so you can't hear the satanic music. [You can put your soul at risk by buying a copy of this book here.]

Benny HinnGone already, and the book still on the best-seller list. Apparently, the site where I found this page has been attacked for its "hate" content and has had to rearrange things. I never saw anything hateful there. Loony and a bit too religious for my taste, but no hate. One thing I do hate is people who need to censor others. I heard a rumour that it was the odious Benny Hinn who complained.
PB November 2000

Potty Trained After Deliverance added 2 September 2000

Sometimes there is nothing I can say to add to the beauty and impact of a site. This is one of those times.

Remember Rex Harrison in Dr Doolittle?Marta Williams, Animal Communicator added 2 September 2000
I was having a conversation with my cat the other day, and I asked her about the problems of animal-human verbal communication. She gave me one of those cat looks, scratched her ear, yawned and went over to her bowl and ate some Crunchy Things™. She came back, looked at me again, yawned again, and settled down to watch NYPD Blue. Hmmmm, I thought. Maybe I would have better luck with the goldfish. I tried to talk to it but it just kept talking to itself, saying: "Look, there's a plastic castle. Oh, there's another plastic castle. My goodness, I see a plastic castle. ...". It looks like I am going to have to take some lessons from Marta before we get too far into spring and the sheep start hatching.

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