Play, Pay and Pray
A Quintessence of the Loon
Special Edition to recognise the outer limits of religion
Religion causes some people to behave in strange ways. Some ways
are stranger than others. The ways here are beyond strange, leaving
us to wonder about the wonder of it all.
It is more blessed to give than receive
Open your hearts to the truth. While you're at it, open your
wallets as well.
I feel a bit sorry for Benny Hinn.
I am a late-night person and I am useless early in the morning.
Benny, on the other hand, has to get up when I am going to bed
so that he can get dressed and made up for his television show
which comes on really early in the morning where I live. I suppose
he gets to talk to interesting people like night watchmen and
cleaners and there is never any traffic on the way to work.
He probably gets to park near the door, too, but it's still
a lonely life. I also feel sorry for his audience, because all
those blind and crippled people have to get to the studio before
breakfast if they want to get cured. I suppose some people are
going to try and tell me that Benny is only on the television
at that time here because I live in a different time zone, but
I have spoken to a lot of people and they all say that Benny
is on at 5:00am or thereabouts. I suppose it's because he can't
afford to buy television time later in the day. I know he must
be short of money, because he is always asking people to send
Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba
In the traditional
Christian burial service the words "ashes to ashes"
are spoken. The Beloved Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba was at
a funeral once, but he is a bit hard of hearing and mistakenly
thought that the priest said "ashes to cashes". From
that moment onward he knew that his mission was to turn ash
into cash. Studying with the magic masters, he gradually learned
the skills of legerdemain, an ancient art passed down through
the generations. You can see from the picture that he has rather
small hands, and towards the end of his apprenticeship his master
commented on how "slight" his hands were. Again, the
Beloved Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba's poor hearing deceived
him and he thought he heard the words "sleight of hand".
The rest is history.
Some would say that Transcendental
Meditation ® is not a religion. These people like to point out
that there is no ® after "Catholic Church" or "Islam",
nor is there after the names of most religious bodies. What
these people don't realise is that in these litigious times
it is necessary for newcomers to protect themselves legally.
It's all very well to be a couple of thousand years old with
a reputation for stake-burning or stoning dissidents and defaulters,
but newer theologies need time to develop. Anyway, what have
those old outfits ever produced? They say they invented universities,
but did they run them like businesses? Did they teach people
how to fly? Oh, yes, they talk about flying prophets in their
fancy Bibles and Korans, but what was the last time you saw
your average worshipper zooming around the apse or the mosque?
Pathetic, really. I'm off now to my flying lessons. My master
tells me that as soon as I get my mantra right I will be able
to float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. Oops, sorry.
That was my boxing teacher.
Off to Hell!
Where we are warned, and
in the Hands of an Angry God by Jonathan Edwards
I like a good sermon. A good preacher can fill the hall
with the smell of brimstone and get you shakin' in your shoes.
You hear this stuff and you know you are going to Hell. You
will not pass Go. You will not collect $200. If you have been
wicked, and you know when you have been wicked, then God will
cast you into a lake of eternal fire where you will spend eternity
wishing for a single drop of cool water on your tongue. But
no water will come, only bile and vinegar. And even they will
dry up before your eyes. Remember this before you covet your
neighbour's ass, or even his donkey. Don't even think about
his Lexus. Imagine what it will be like, standing up to your
waist in molten steel being thrashed with barbed wire and having
salt rubbed into the wounds. And that's only for the first million
years. After that it gets nasty.
Fred Phelps. Does any more need
to be said other than that name? A name which strikes fear into
the hearts of hairdressers, crossdressers, sodomites, catamites,
dancers, prancers and men romancers. And funeral directors.
Fred has now declared that, as well as those who ignore Leviticus,
we are all doomed and are GOING TO HELL! Well, I'm not, because
I'm not in America but it will happen here as well. It's now
too late according to Rev Fred and even praying won't help.
When God gives up, He gives up for good. There is something
wrong with the expression "gives up for good" in the
previous sentence. I must look it up in my dictionary. Aaarrgghh!!
The dictionary has rude words in it! I am going to Hell! Why
didn't I listen to Phelps?
I have always made it a habit to avoid harlots.
There is something about the average harlot which makes me uneasy.
Perhaps it's the clothes harlots wear, although some of them
don't wear much at all. Maybe it's because you can't have a
good conversation with a harlot, as their profession is so intellectually
demanding that the only thing they can talk about is harlotry.
Just about the only time I have anything to do with harlots
is during the local Chamber of Commerce's "Helping Hands
for Handicapped Harlots Festival" when I push a wheelchaired
harlot in the parade. Usually I'm like the man in that old film
who told a woman called Scarlett O'Harlott that he didn't give
a damn. Whores are a different matter, but we will get into
that subject at another time.
Spreading the word
Where unusual methods
of persuasion hold sway
Covenant Vision Ministry
These people live just
up the road a bit from my place, and I am so glad they do. With
the end of the world so close, it is comforting to know that
I can just jump in the car and in a few minutes be with the
chosen ones. Note that I said "chosen ones", not "chosen
people". We all know who they are, and there won't
be any of them going where we're going. I was particularly impressed
with Pastor Frank's analysis of the impact and significance
Olympic Games on Sydney. Those of us who live here know
that Sydney is a Godless kind of town (we even have a
Gras), but until I read Pastor Frank's exposé I didn't know
how close to perdition we really were. Now I understand what
that synchronised pole-vaulter meant when I overheard her say "Where
am I going? And why am I in this handbasket?".
When you read Jack's books and comics, you
get the feeling that he is trying to tell you something. These
works are not just entertainment, but seem to have a message
in there for all of us. I am not quite sure what that message
is, although I get the impression that Jack is going to be the
only person in Heaven. I can't even be sure of that, though,
because the subtlety of these stories, the cleverness of the
writing and the focussed chiaroscuro of the artwork hint at
a postmodern allusion to and acceptance of a synthesis of impressionism
from the art world, the just-hidden but tangible threats of
a Kafka novel, the majesty of a Sousa march, and the taste of
a great champagne. If Jack had been born in Russia, God would
not have needed to create Tolstoy.
Son of Man Image Explained!
A picture is worth
a thousand words, some clichémonger once said. Here is a picture
that is worth ten thousand words. Nay, a million words. Here
is a picture of Jesus on someone's hand. The picture at the
right is an enhanced colour version which makes things a lot
clearer. You may have heard about how NASA and the CIA enhance
photographs using sophisticated computer techniques, but when
we're dealing with miracles an ordinary felt-tipped pen will
do. The only thing that worries me is that the image does not
look like the Jesus we are used to seeing in paintings. This
Jesus looks a lot like Leon Trotsky. There is the obvious similarity
in the way Jesus and Trotsky were betrayed by people whom they
had known as friends, but maybe this is a sign that the great
Jewish/Communistic conspiracy goes back to the first century.
Enforcing the Word
Where help is offered
to keep us on the straight and narrow
There are places you don't want to go. Ever.
Especially not for ever. Hell is one of those places, and this
site reminds us of what lies ahead for those who ignore the
warnings and do not listen to the truth. The page you first
get to doesn't tell you much, but you can escape to the Balaam's
Ass site which will guide you to a mountain of facts and figures
that will make you change your ways. It is a pity that the combined
forces of the New World Order, the UN and the US Government
have caused some parts of this site to become too hot to handle
and they had to be removed. Seeing the thoughts on Christianity
there, I was so looking forward to reading what Steve had to
say about Islam. We will just have to settle for his piano work.
likes a good sing along. There's no better way to spend a cold
winter's evening than gathering around the old harpsichord and
belting out some tunes. The problem is, the words of most songs
are totally unsuitable for family use. Even if they are almost
acceptable, they still don't quite have that magic that makes
them a joy to sing. The problem is solved. Now you can sing
along to the familiar tunes you hear on the radio, but you can
sing words which have meaning and which raise the spirits and
let praise ring forth. I'm a bit worried, though, at the thought
that these good Christian folk had to listen to the real (and
obviously evil) words of songs like "Cocaine", "My
Generation", "I am the Walrus" and "House
of the Rising Sun" and therefore be exposed to thoughts
about illicit drugs, youth suicide, gambling and prostitution.
Hey, maybe those songs did need new words!
It looks like the songs are not only re-versed but they
are re-tracted as well, gone to join the great librettist
in the sky. Well, at least we can still hum along if
we don't like the words.
Imagine the Monday morning staff
meeting down at the ChildCare Action Project headquarters. Tasks
are being allocated for the teams to review the week's new crop
of films. Doreen requests a change of assignment, because she
is suffering from repetitive strain injury from clicking the
f-word-counter at last week's reviews. John announces that now
he has his new glasses he is ready to resume his counting-the-naughty-bits-below-the-waist
duties. Margaret asks for clarification: does Sharon Stone saying "Oh
God, oh God, oh my God!" to Russell Crowe get counted as
three cases of "O" (Offense to God) or one case of "S"
(Sex/homosexuality)? (She knows it is not homosexuality - someone
explained that to her once.) Everyone is given a copy of the
new U2 CD to see if the Irishmen are putting down religion again
or being too Catholic.
I have included this because people are always writing
to me suggesting it for inclusion in Quintessence of
the Loon. I don't really think it's loony, because the
scoring method for films is consistent. Weird, yes,
but consistent. Still, public opinion says it should
be in here somewhere. Oh, OK, it is loony! PB
What does it mean?
Where the truth in
the Bible is revealed. Several truths, apparently.
I have mentioned before how those
great 20th-century philosophers Plant and Page have told us
that "sometimes words have two meanings". Here is
proof that sometimes there can be even more than two meanings.
In fact, there can be as many meanings as you want, but you
have to seek them out. By examining the Bible carefully, it
is possible to read between the lines and between the words
and, by applying such techniques as the 14 Principles to come
to true enlightenment. I look forward to future research which
will enable us to remove the redundant words that make up the
traditional Bible and just leave the decoded stuff. Then we
can start again.
There is a group of books in the
Old Testament that are devoted to prophecy. Theologians and
other biblical scholars used to think that these prophecies
were about the coming of the Messiah and other things relating
to matters of religion and God. Now we find that the prophecies
were even better and more subtle than that. There is stuff in
there that would make Nostradamus look like an amateur with
no prophetic ability at all. Then again, Nostradamus didn't
have modern computers to check all the letters and find the
patterns. He did, however, predict the Bible code in that famous
|When farmgirls' eyes see peppercorns
speak of fowl
The time of thyme reverses
me count the ways.
13: Astrology for the New Age
Now, here's some
good solid predicting, based on the obvious meanings of the
words in Revelation. I just don't know why I didn't see all
this stuff for myself when I first came across St John the Devine's
masterwork. How blind I was not to see the connection to astrology
and the Age of Aquarius. It should have been obvious. On another
matter, it's just as well for Noah that Revelation is at the
other end of the Bible because he would have exceeded his quota
for animals on the ark. He might have squeezed the four horses
in somewhere, but what would he have done with the seven seals