100 Year Old News: Theosophy and the Human Dino added 27 January 2001
Do you ever wonder about the relationships and connections between dinosaurs and humans? Some of the clues to these links are that both races lived on earth and ate things. Both races also reproduced, breathed air, drank water and appeared in films by Walt Disney and Stephen Spielberg. But these have never been enough for me, because these connections could always be explained away by skeptics as just coincidences. At last someone has come along with a tentative theory suggesting that as the dinosaurs were ascending humans were descending, and we may have inherited a slight scaliness from these reptiles. The formal statement of the thesis is: "1st human race hovers over, within, and through the 5th race of the dinosaur-animal. 2nd race exists side by side on an inner level or soul level with the 6th race animal. Finally, the 3rd race human has progressed to the point where the form is sufficient for inhabiting, however since the 2nd-6th race is androgynous and a dual race, the 3rd - 7th race must split." Wow! We must keep looking for shistas until the lifewave returns again..
Online Gurning competition for all the family! added 27 January 2001
In September 2000 I lamented the fact that gurning had been overlooked as an Olympic sport. This was very disappointing to gurmists who, despite a sporting history going back to 1266 (even before beach volleyball), still had to go to the Egremont Crab Fair to face the judges in the World Championship. Luckily, technology has caught up with this ancient sport and you can now play by using the Internet. I sent in my passport picture but it was rejected because the referee said that photographs taken using a professional face distorting process were against the rules.
Exact Process to Become a Recording Artist added 27 January 2001
I occasionally mention popular music as a means of illustrating a point or to provide a connection with the zeitgeist, but I have skirted around the problem of how something or someone actually becomes popular music. My most recent foray into the world of recorded entertainment was the release on the Quintessence label of The Three Tenors Sing The Works of AC/DC. This was not the commercial success we had all hoped for, although there was universal critical acclaim for Pavarotti's awesome performance of "It's a long way to the top if you want to Turandot". I just wish I had seen this site before I went into negotiations with the record companies and distributors, because it's such a useful guide to the conciliatory style of language that you need to use when talking to people who might do you a favour.
Loon of the Month
|Loon of the Month just had to be Dr Willie Nelson. I am really pleased that he is successful in his new career and I just love the word "Xrroid". It sounds like one of those cars we used to drive back in the late 60s and early 70s. You know the ones - engine capacity was measured in cubic feet and brake linings in square millimetres. I can see the advertising slogan: "The Ford Xrroid GrunTer - her mother will hate you". But I digress ... |
I hope Willie can record my new song with Enrique Iglesias' father:
|For all the loons I knew before|
Who wandered clueless through my door
I'm glad you're never wrong
I dedicate this song
To all the loons I knew before
|The Quantum Xrroid Consciousness Interface System added 18 January 2001|
This site talks about a machine made by Dr William Nelson. I think his version of "Stardust" is fabulous, but I am really pleased to see that Willie has finished his education and is settling down to his new career. I see from the picture that he hasn't completely abandoned all his old fans (or even the young ones) and has included a bonus CD with every one of his new magic mind-reading machines. Willie's background in the music business was really useful. This machine deals with feedback and it has lots of channels, just like a studio mixer or the CB radio in the bus. It also does "miasma analysis" and I can tell you that when I was a roadie I often felt a bit miasmic the morning after a late show and a conversation with Mr Beam and Mr Daniels. I remember having a long conversation with Messieurs Moët and Chandon once. That was the night we opened for the Eagles and the paymaster got the bags of money mixed up.
|To the bank again|
Just can't wait to get to the bank again
The life I love is makin' money from my friends
And I can't wait to get to the bank again
To the bank again
With the proceeds of my mind machine
Ten thousand bucks that you may never see again,
And I can't wait to get to the bank again.
Apparently, Willie has made enough money to retire and has closed his site selling these machines. Internet searches now just lead to lots of people who bought them. PB October 2001
He's back! A fan of Willie's wrote a polite email to me telling me where the new shopfront is located. You can read this message here.
Nuttier than Fruitcake added 18 January 2001
Here's something you don't see every day here - a recipe. I have included it because it is so appropriate. If I could cook, I would send one of these to Loon of the Month winners. I stole the recipe from Chris Haynes who stole it from Sunset Magazine
|Nuttier than Fruitcake|
|Mix up dry ingredients:|
3/4 cup flour
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
In a separate bowl mix together:
1 teaspoon vanilla
Chop up to the size you prefer (a food processor with some of the dry ingredients works well):
1 package, 8 ounces of pitted dates
2 cups of dried apricots (or any combo of dried fruit... not candied fruit)
|In a big bowl put in the chopped fruit with:|
1 cup of raisins (which may have been soaked in berry or plum brandy)
3 cups of nuts (usually 1 cup each of walnuts, pecans and almonds)
Toss in the dry ingredients and bind together with egg/vanilla mixture
Shove into a 5 by 9 inch loaf pan (lined with buttered parchment paper) and bake at 300 degrees F. for 1 1/2 hours.
There has been a flood of complaints (well, two, actually) about the units of measurement used in this recipe. Americans have complained about the use of "cups" and the metricated have complained about "ounces". All I can say is that you should be grateful that I didn't give the Henry VIII catering version of the recipe which uses bushels, kilderkins, furlongs and perches. This is known as "Nuttier than Firkin Fruitcake".
Conversations with God - The Official Website added 18 January 2001
The official web site! I'm really impressed. I would have though that God would have given the Pope or someone like that the rights to the official God web site, but it looks like He decided that Neale was the man for the job. I suppose it's the result of all those conversations God has had with Neale. I mean, God has been talking to popes and archbishops for centuries but they are very much locked into tradition. I guess He thought that the best way to get into the new age of e-commerce was to go with a god.com startup. Forget those bricks and mortar churches. Here's clicks and mitres.
A book sits on the best-seller lists for more than two years, then suddenly all official web sites about it disappear! Perhaps Neale Donald Walsch has been reading Nietzsche.
PB January 2003
The Armageddon Chronicles added 6 January 2001
Are we really here? You have to ask yourself that because there is real evidence that the end of the world almost happened in 1998. Well, maybe not the end of the world but at least the end of whatever Revelation said was going to end. I know how difficult it is in these times to tell the aliens from the reptilians from the crustaceans from the few remaining humans, but it is important. It is also important to remember that dogs can tell when someone is from the government (that's why they bark at postmen) which is why the government wants to put microchips in dogs. Don't be fooled. Ruth wasn't. That's why the alien invasion was able to be repelled even though it was in the 4th density.
Time Traveling Unicorns added 6 January 2001
You hardly ever see a unicorn these days. This is partly due to the fact that they are excessively shy, so you can only see them out of the corner of your eye. The main reason, though, is that they are busy travelling through time. Now, maybe that time travel is metaphorical, in that we all think they are extinct but they have survived to this very day, still charged with the protection of virgins. I prefer to believe, however, that the time travel ability is literal. The unicorns we glimpse today are really here from another time, visiting us to make sure that the virgins are being well looked after. The unicorns which actually exist now aren't seen because they are off in other times making sure that other people are treating virgins properly. This means that at any particular point in time, all unicorns are somewhere else in time (except for the ones visiting this time from some other time, of course). Only the virgins are really here. This all made sense when I wrote it.
The Mars Records added 6 January 2001
You know how you hate it when the relatives drop over to tell you about their fabulous holiday in some place you can't afford to go? Well, if the person who owns this site was your uncle, you would sit up and take notice because he has been to Mars. Not just any old Mars, but the one up there. Out in the solar system. The red one. He has photos of the place where the implant was put in his neck, and he has some tasteful photos of his groin showing where the probing was done. He even has a 375 page book that you can download and read for free. Now, I ask you, if this was just someone telling a story would he give it away for nothing? Of course not. Be careful, though, because strong forces want to suppress this site. Just look at that hole in the tyre - only a ray gun could do that sort of damage.