was with great sadness that I noted the death this month
of Charles K. Johnson, President of the International
Flat Earth Society. Johnson said "We have studied
the Earth and found it flat". Vale, Charles Johnson.
Your work was an inspiration to the people who make
the sites featured here.
Loon of the Month Part
|I was originally
going to give the Loon of the Month award to the soul
catcher, just because it seems so quintessentially silly
to not be aware that things have shadows and that the
shadows are usually on the side away from the sun. Then
I discovered the PETA site. If I didn't know that People
for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has more than 100
employees and an income of many millions of dollars
per year, I would have thought that the web site was
a parody. I have taken the unusual step of awarding
the prize to the
PETA site and organisation. The examples here just
give a taste of the madness within.
Was a Vegetarian added
30 March 2001
Two for the price of one
again. It was impossible to pick between these two sites
from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. I
have a vision of what it must be like at PETA headquarters
when everyone gathers for the weekly Issues Meeting.
Melissa from the canteen reassures everyone that the
butter used on the sandwiches only comes from cows milked
by milkmaids with warm hands. Jamie from Theology tells
of the latest evidence showing that Judas once attended
a camel barbeque. Ralph reports on the success of getting
the producers to remove the words "how many polyesters
had to die to make that shirt" from the new DVD
rerelease of Saturday Night Fever. A vote is
taken on what sort of animal should replace Fluffy,
the recently-deceased office companion rabbit, and the
consensus is a stoat. Because of the danger to cockroaches,
everyone agrees to join the blockade against the landlord's
planned fumigation of the building.
Ghost Hunters Alliance added 30
My work often requires me to sleep
in graveyards and abandoned tunnels, but occasionally nights are
spent in large, rambling, deserted houses full of cobwebs and strange
creaking noises. (I have been meaning to speak to my boss about
the company's travel agent.) I have never been too bothered about
ghosts, because I thought that if I didn't believe in them then
they would leave me alone. I must admit that sometimes a glowing
orb might appear over my shoulder, but this just makes it easier
to read the paper. This site has me worried, though, because they
seem to be able to photograph ghosts everywhere, and I know these
photographs are genuine because they have really strong rules and
advice to eliminate fakes and mistakes. I guess I will have to be
careful on future business trips if I don't want ectoplasms to watch
me getting undressed for bed.
Ready added 30 March 2001
Jesus said "but of that day and hour knoweth no man",
but that hasn't stopped people from looking for signs and making
sure that they are ready for the big day when He returns. It's always
good to be prepared. This is particularly important if you aren't
quite sure what you are preparing for or when it is going to happen.
Von Clausewitz is supposed to have said that we should prepare for
what others can do, not what they might do, and Shakespeare reminded
us that "readiness is all". Good advice from both.
[Some people thought that the Rapture would come on 1 January
2000. I checked with an authoritative source on that day and received
some discouraging news, which you can see
Love Bite added 22 March 2001
Here's another book that I haven't read but I think I know something
about. It's all about how aliens come here and make us fall in love.
Why they should do this is a mystery, but perhaps it's explained
in the book. It could be part of the well-documented breeding experiments
that aliens have been conducting on us for some time, sort of like
dog or racehorse breeders trying to get the best matches. Or maybe
it's just that the aliens feel sorry for us. They looked at late-night
television and saw all those advertisements for meeting agencies
and lonely person chat lines and decided that we should be able
to get together without paying $5.95 per minute. Some of them get
too involved, though. I went out with an alien female once, but
we broke up because she wanted probe more often than I did.
[You can buy this wonderful book here.]
-- A New Science for the 21st Century
added 22 March 2001
There is a
very nice waterfront seafood restaurant near my place called "Doyle's".
When you go there for lunch it's a really relaxing experience and
the cares of the world just seem to float away like the little boats
leaving the nearby wharf. I never feel fear, anxiety or anger when
I have a forkful of lobster in one hand and a glass of chardonnay
in the other. I know it's just a coincidence because the Doyle that
this web site is about has the first name Doyle so he probably isn't
related to Peter Doyle, but is eerie how he also promises to cure
fear, anxiety and anger. Perhaps you drag them away in the little
|The Doyletics people had this
to say at
Oh, can't resist sharing with you that the
Doyletics Website was chosen as Loon of the Month.
Seems the Skeptical Inquirer folks (the ratbags.com
ones) are too busy making fun of people to actually
read and understand what they're spoofing, but hey!
they got the link address correct! As for me, I'm
busy working on perfecting the mating call of the
loon now. It’s good to be in the same category as
Ignatz Semmelweis, among others.
The only problems I see with this are that a) it
didn't win Loon of the Month, b) I'm not the "Skeptical
Inquirer folks" (that's
and c) I don't remember ever mentioning Dr Semmelweis.
Oh, well ...
added 22 March 2001
No longer do you have to face the embarrassment of people quoting
Mae West at you and asking you is that a gun in your pocket. The
battle of the bulge is won, because you can now hide your artillery
in the most unlikely place - down the front of your pants. Another
advantage of this is that it lets you get around in more casual
clothes. My tailor is always complaining about how hard it is to
get my jackets to drape correctly when there is a blunderbuss in
an inside pocket (he gave up on the crossbow and quiver), and a
shoulder holster chafes something awful when you have to wrestle
feral animals. Be careful, though. When you put your gun away, make
sure it's not cocked.
this a picture of a soul catcher?
added 15 March 2001
I don't imagine
it's much fun at first being a disembodied soul. You have spent
all that time being carried around by some body, taken to places
(even if you didn't want to go there), nourished in whatever way
souls get nourished by their hosts, and generally having a good
time of it. Suddenly, you are cast adrift to look after yourself
with no instructions and often very little notice. You float around
aimlessly, wondering if you are going to be reincarnated into someone
you might not like (if you are the Hindu sort of reincarnating soul)
or sent off to Heaven or Hell (if you are a Christian soul) or just
forgotten about completely (if you're the soul of an atheist). Luckily
there is an organisation called the SSSS - the Spiritual Social
Security Service - to gather you in and take care of you until your
future is settled. Some people think that the souls are enslaved
in some way, but that is because they can't spell. The word is "ensaved"
and means just what you would think it means - the souls are brought
back to a safe place, much as homeless people can find food and
comfort at the mission shelter.
Colony.com - Terraforming - Other Methods
added 15 March 2001
Have you ever
thought about how much space people take up on Earth? If we give
everyone 10 square metres of space, which is not too crowded, you
need 10 square kilometres for every million people. According to
world population clock, there are about 6,134,635,703 of us
as I write, so we need 61,350 square kilometres to fit us all in.
Considering that the size of Western Australia, the largest state
in Australia, is only 2,525,500 square kilometres you can see that
things are going to get a bit crowded on Earth very soon. It's just
as well that people are planning for the colonisation of Mars. What
they have to do there is quite simple. They just have to melt the
polar icecaps to get water, release some carbon dioxide out of the
rocks, get some plants growing to make oxygen and make the atmosphere
like Earth's, and then build all the cities, farms and factories
that the colonists will need. This should all take no time at all
and cost very little money. Easy!
the 3-D Existence added 15 March
I worry about where the human race is going.
Have we evolved this far only to stagnate, plateau, and then fade
away, disappearing into a miasma of greenhouse gasses, fast food
containers and discarded aglets? Are we becoming like socks, pens
and keys - comfortably visible one day, gone forever the next? This
site brings hope that we can yet evolve further, taking the lead
from superior beings. As it says on the site: "It is only
in recent years that we have been able to lift our sights by journeying
into space to then look back and see that we are "one planet
and one world" with one major species - us - human beings.
At the same time we must also be open to the possibility of more
evolved beings.. such as whales and dolphins with which we can dialogue
with. When 'We All' as a race go to them with Love in our collective
hearts.. will we then make our first major communication?"
New Initiations from Ancient Egypt - Attaining the
State of a Vibrational Steward or Beyond
Attaining a Fifth Dimensional Awareness - Integrating the Unconscious
added 9 March 2001
for the price of one! I couldn't separate these two articles because
each gives us essential information about what is going to happen
to us as our strands of DNA take on a crystalline structure. Or
maybe our crystals start intertwining like DNA. Who knows? Perhaps
we are simply going to become Christed as our polarities twist us
away from the ovum. Unfortunately, it appears that the herpes virus
did not receive the blueprint for the purpose of intercellular communication
within the crystalline structure, and we have received no news since
1998. Perhaps these sites were predicting the recent past and we
have missed it happening.
UFO's added 9 March 2001
When I first saw this site I wondered what it was that belonged
to Today's UFO. "Today's UFO's what?" I asked myself.
Then I realised it was Today's UFO's pictures. But pictures of what?
And who (or what) is Today's UFO? When I looked at the pictures
carefully, I saw that they were pictures of UFOs. This is obvious
when you look at pictures like the one at right that shows a blatant
case of UFOism. You just can't miss it, sitting there in the clouds
wearing its clever cloud-like camouflage. The mystery is now solved.
These are pictures that Today's UFO has to remind him (her? it?)
of other UFOs. It must be terribly lonely being billions of measurement
units away from your friends and family, so what is more natural
than collecting photographs of other tourists?
Sheldrake Online added 9 March 2001
I like birds. One of my favourite birds is the chicken, because
of the variety of ways you can eat it. I know there are some other
birds that you can eat, but I just can't imagine myself ordering
a parrot, lettuce and mayonnaise sandwich for lunch. Perhaps this
reticence to eat parrots comes from the same intuitions that make
us resile from eating dolphins - the animals are so intelligent
that they are too close to us. Then again, it might just be because
parrots are stringy and unpleasant to eat. What I do know is that
humans across the world share a dislike of parrot meat, surely an
indication that Dr Sheldrake is partly right with some of his theories.
His latest research concerns parrots and how smart they are, and
it is good to see him asking for volunteer parrots to participate
in research. I just thought - maybe we don't eat parrots because
the things have hypnotised us into thinking they taste bad. That
would be smart of them. And telepathic.