Quintessence of the Loon

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Australian Skeptics

God showing mercySpirit of Prophecy, The Second Coming of Christ added 30 November 2001
There was much talk during 1999 of the possibility of the return of Jesus at the end of that year. Many were disappointed that He didn't make a dramatic return, smiting evil hip and thigh. The problem was that a lot of these people hadn't read the bits in the Bible where Jesus says that nobody can know when He will return (Matthew 24:36, Matthew 25:13, Mark 13:32), so confidently predicting His arrival on New Year's Day 2000 was probably not a wise idea. This site, however, indicates that Jesus has in fact returned, but He has done it in a very low-key way. It seems that He is being channelled through someone called Williamson (I suppose that "Josephson" would have been too obvious), but the real surprise is that He has decided to have a free web site at Tripod. You would think that He would have His own domain name at least, but perhaps there is no appropriate classification or country level code for a supernatural person from Heaven.

A small fruited plainExtra
World Championship Punkin Chunkin added 30 November 2001

How did I ever miss this fabulous festival of flying fruit? I hope I can get the time off from work next year, because I would love to dust off the RatbagsDotCom trebuchet, rivet it to the roof of the Lexus and head off for a weekend of gourd hurling. And this was the World Championship, too, not just any old punkin chunkin.

'cause tramps like us, baby we were born to sunBorn To Sun: Word creations inspiring spiritual divine mastery added 30 November 2001
This is amazing. Have you ever noticed that some words contain letters and letter combinations that are used in other words? Once you see this, it is obvious that these words must be related, and it also opens up the possibility of creating new words from the building blocks exposed by this observation. As an example, I took the phrase "star struck". The first word is obviously made up of the letter "s", which is the same letter "s" as in the words "snake" and "serpent" (as well as the word "sibilant" that describes the noise they make, and it is the last letter of "reptiles") and the word "tar" which refers to the Unix backup utility program. The word "star" is therefore code for a compressed collection of snakes, or, in the vernacular, a "can of worms". It would be tempting to analyse "struck" in the same way and get a vehicle for transporting snakes, but it's more complex than that. In fact, you divide the word in half to get "str" and "uck". The first set of letters is the same as the start of the word "strumpet", which not only is obviously related to "crumpet" (the Englishman's word for a female) but contains the word "trumpet" which is part of the horn section. Need I say more? The second part of the word just leads to words ending in "uck", but I can't think of any word like that which could have anything to do with strumpets.

EnlatticementThe EMF Balancing Technique® added 30 November 2001
Electromagnetic forces are all around us. Some scientists even argue that EMF is all there is. This is very scary, as any newager or non-scientist realises, and we need all the help we can get to avoid or resist these forces. Luckily, help is at hand and we can learn to align and exploit the electromagnetic forces within our own bodies to make things good again. All we have to do is make sure that everything is working correctly within our calibration lattice so that we can integrate spirit and biology. This is a very powerful technique, but, like all powerful things, care is needed in its use. The clue is in the word "balancing" in the name of the technique. You have to carefully balance your own EMF with that of other people and objects in the universe. I forgot this once after a particularly forceful training session, and when I tried to call a taxi to go home my mobile phone blew up as soon as it entered my lattice.

If I could think with the animals ...Interspecies Telepathic Communication added 25 November 2001
I first learned about interspecies communication when I broke my ankle in five places. (I will never go back to those places.) I was laying in bed in a great amount of pain when I heard, "I know we come from different cultures, and maybe you don't think I can help you, but if you'll just pet me, I will take away your pain." I heard these words in my head as clearly as someone speaking to me. I opened my eyes to find a dolphin flopping on the floor and looking right at me. I knew it was her. I did pet her and my pain did go away! I slept comfortably for the first time since the accident. I noticed that the dolphin was worse off than me as she had no ankles at all, but I thought it would be impolite to mention it.

The next week a cattle dog came in the mail and in its mouth was the URL for a web site about communicating with animals. I couldn't believe it. Someone else thought this was possible too! I sent for the web site right away, and here it is.

I was surfing a perfect two-meter wave off Palm Beach when I sensed a presence. A dolphin appeared next to me and twisted and turned in synchronisation with the movement of my board. I felt the words come into my head: "Check those broken links". PB October 2003

Loon of the Month

I was walking through the Sydney Botanical Gardens the other day when I heard a flapping sound. I looked up to see an animal resembling a witch's cat moving from tree to tree on leather wings like a creature from the pit. I could smell brimstone. It must be more pleasant among the angels in Melbourne.
A major Melbourne tourist attractionAngels of the Botanic Gardens added 25 November 2001
Australians will be aware of the intense rivalry between the cities of Sydney and Melbourne. I live in Sydney, and nobody disputes the facts that here we have the best harbour in the world, the best looking Opera House, the best Gay Mardi Gras and the best (empty) Olympic facilities. I must admit, however, that I like Melbourne. The city has an antique grandeur that is missing in the brashness of the Emerald City. It has excellent restaurants and shopping, and it is much easier to drive around in once you figure out the lunatic method of turning your car in front of the trams. This site shows us another major difference between the two places. There are angels in the Botanic Gardens in Melbourne. In Sydney we have fruit bats.

[There seems to be a little confusion on this site about what things are called. The picture of the angel has the file name "b_east", and the sound file named "cannon" contains Pachelbel's Canon, not the 1812 Overture.]

Ah, sweet mystery of lifeExtra
sitegoauide for pietje precies pun dotery added 25 November 2001

I have no idea! You will have to work this one out for yourselves. I tried, I really did, but it looks like even the site owner has given up.

Errr! Yuck!!!The Greatest Medical Secret added 25 November 2001
Even though I have a set of Alex Chiu's Immortality Rings and will probably live forever, I am still conscious of the mortality of the people around me. That is why I am attracted to this site which tells me, and I quote, how to "fight death". When I was very young, my apple-cheeked old grandmother used to tell me that nobody respected anyone who had a dirty mouth. I don't think that this web site was what she was talking about, but it certainly reminded me of her admonitions. I must say that people have it a lot easier these days, because it must be much more pleasant to cleanse your mouth with a citric acid douche than with a cake of soap. (Unless, of course, it's Dr. Bronner's SUPERMILD 18-in-1 Hemp ALOE VERA BABY-MILD PURE-CASTILE SOAP.) I've even got a recipe here somewhere for a citric acid mouthwash. Let's see - tequila, triple-sec, lime and lemon juice, ice, salt around the glass. Wastin' away ...

The Great Skeptic CDAdvertisement
I don't usually carry advertising here, but this is something that I am really excited about. No, I haven't gone over to the dark side and joined a pyram..., sorry, multi-level marketing scheme. The Australian Skeptics have produced a CD which contains all the content from their magazine over the last twenty years, plus a couple of books. This is like a history of the skeptic movement and covers the progression of matters which have interested skeptics over the years. (Oh, all right - there are two articles by me in there. I don't know how they got through the first nineteen years without me.)

Look at the labyrinth map here.Mid-Atlantic Geomancy added 17 November 2001
I'm annoyed. When my house was built, the architect thought he could do it all himself and he didn't get a professional geomancer in to work on the labyrinth design. This has left us with a dwelling which lacks a bit of sacredness, although it is a very impressive labyrinth down there and the neighbourhood kids just love spending weeks lost in it. The real problem is bureaucratic, however, because we don't have the right certification. We have the plans for all the other services. There's the plan of the water and sewerage services and we had a dowser in to give us a good ley line diagram. I didn't know there was anything missing until we tried to sell the house and there it was on the agent's check list, right between "gas reticulation diagram" and "pest inspection certificate" - "labyrinth layout diagram". We have to get a licensed geomancer in and it's terribly expensive to do it after the house is built because of the maze of twisty little passages.

It's an ex-TV. It has ceased to be.Extra!
The Original World Famous Home Appliance Shooting Page added 17 November 2001

Come on, admit it! You've all wanted to do it. Who hasn't had the desire (even the need) to off some recalcitrant machine?

Mary had a little pot.Archaeoacoustics - pipe dream or possibility? added 17 November 2001
Homeopaths tell us that water has a memory. It now seems that the clay used to make pottery may also have a memory, this time for sounds. This is a very exciting discovery, because one of the unanswerable questions in anthropology and linguistics is "How did they pronounce that?" What we get may be limited, but there wasn't that much on the Rosetta Stone either. Even if we can get only a few words of the Persian Potters' Patois (also known as Crockery Creole) we will have a window back into the past that is closed to us now. Apparently the sound information is stored in microscopic cracks in the baked clay, which is why this new discipline has been given the name "crackpottery".

Leprechaun sending morse signals.Irish UFOlogy added 17 November 2001
The signs were always there. Women dancing without moving their arms. Foaming black beverages where the bubbles go down as well as up. An obsessive desire to migrate and become police officers. Talk of "little people" and "the gift". Snakeless. Well, now we have an explanation - Ireland is a hotbed of UFO activity and alien visitation. You would dance funny, too, if you had just been probed and implanted, and what better way to achieve power than to infiltrate the police forces of major cities? The litttle people are grey coloured and the gift is telepathy. Every alien I have ever met has been partial to a meal of reptile (except the ones who landed in Iceland, who preferred auks) and the collapse of the Irish snake herds was due to over-hunting. (This was surprising, as most aliens come to warn us of environmental problems.) The bubble thing is the easy one - gravity was different where Guinness was invented.

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