Loon of the Month
appeared in an episode of The Simpsons where he was described
as "the world's smartest man". It looks like he might
have to surrender that title, although the real recognition
of the challenger will come when he gets to do his own voice
in a conversation with Lisa and Bart.
of Analytical Space-Time added 30 November
It's been ages since Einstein came up
with General Relativity, and it is about time someone started
doing some useful work on a Theory of Everything. Oh, I know
that there have been a lot of pseudoscientists and pretenders
working on this problem, but they have been confining their
publications to learned, peer-reviewed journals. This means
that there is no hope of them breaking out of the orthodoxy
and having new ideas recognised, so they just keep coming up
with the same old stuff. Just take Stephen Hawking for example.
He writes books and works at Cambridge, but does he have a web
site? (The fabulous
Crib doesn't count.) To prove real innovation and original
thought, a true scientist with the answers to the fundamental
problems of the universe has no option but to create a web site
and then self-publish his works. That's what Einstein would
October 5th be the day death and destruction begins?
added 30 November 2002
Now that October
is safely behind us, we can consider the horror that would have befallen
us if we had not all stopped sinning. And our sins were terrible - women
were teaching in schools, evil couples were practising birth control,
even eviller couples were doing things which could not possibly lead
to procreation, tubes were being ligated and severed, breasts were being
ogled, Elvis songs were being played on the radio, women carried Versace
handbags. Was it any wonder that God was going to rain brimstone down
on us all? Oh, I just noticed that all this was supposed to happen in
1997, not 2002. Perhaps God was distracted by Y2K and the end is still
to come. (Serious note - anyone who believes that God deliberately
caused the Challenger disaster as some form of public execution of sinners
is not only mad, but is promoting a sort of god that nobody else would
want to believe in.)
Maharishi Global Construction: Architecture in Accord
with Natural Law added 30 November 2002
Are you thinking about building a house? You will need this book. Do
not fall into the trap of having your brain cells pointing in the wrong
direction when you clean your teeth.
on the Born Again Fish added 30 November 2002
I like fish. I particularly like it cooked in a light beer batter and
served with some hot chips. (Please note that it is an offence against
all forms of decency to call the fried potato strips served with fish "french
fries". They are not even "fries". They are chips.) Oh,
I know that fish is full of mercury and will make my fillings fall out
or something, but I am prepared to take the risk. Well, I was prepared
to take the risk, but now that I know that fish means "666"
in several ways I might have to reconsider, for what shall it profit
a man, if he shall have a nice picnic, and lose his own soul? Just look
at the picture and see what can happen to you if you eat too much fish
- orange goats and men in strange hats follow you about, and your sickle
goes rusty. By the way, when you go to this site, don't forget to carry
on and look at the garden chair (but not for too long, of course). It
looks like the perfect place to eat fish, but if you have bouillabaisse,
don't forget to use a long spoon.
Wallace, the man who invented Bigfoot, has died. His family
have revealed that they knew all along about the special wooden
feet he had made to start the hoax back in 1958. They also hinted
at (but will not say) who was wearing the furry suit in the
famous 1967 Roger Patterson film of the "creature".
Now that the hoaxers have revealed the hoax, I suppose that
all the Bigfoot believers will have a good laugh at themselves
and wonder how they were fooled for so long. And pigs might
Cryonics Institute added
30 November 2002
Out in my garage there's a thing
called a "chest freezer". I suppose these people use something
bigger, because they have to fit more than the chest in.
Research Network added 16 November 2002
How could I forget that morning when I woke up to a low humming
sound, and when I looked out the window there was this geometric formation
carved into my front lawn? (Actually, it was on about half of my neighbour's
lawn as well. My house is not that big.) I rushed to the cupboard to
get my camera and shot off all the frames left on the film. I was at
the mall when the doors opened so I could be the first customer at Lucky
Lil's Snapshot Stall. For an hour I fidgeted about and drank too many
cups of coffee. Finally, Lil beckoned me over and I had the prints in
my hand. Imagine my disappointment. The pictures of my wife at the races
with the Royal Family were perfectly focussed and framed, the shots
of me riding the 20-footers at Waikiki and coming in third at Le Mans
could have been the work of a professional, but the photos of the lawn
were just masses of flares and colours. I threw the lot away in disgust.
If only I had been able to recognise a Kirlian photograph ...
The World Famous Asphalt Museum
added 16 November 2002
didn't know what he was starting when he sang Hit the Road, Jack.
Updates added 16 November 2002
Remember that old face on Mars that was photographed in 1976? Well,
there was always a cover-up of the truth, with many promises by NASA
to go back and have another look. The problem for NASA was, of course,
that if they went back with a better camera they might have to show
some better photographs and then everyone would know the truth. When
they finally went back in 2001, they had to seriously doctor the photos
so that people would be deceived. At last, these later photos have been
analysed and have had coloured lines drawn on them to show the truth.
Look at those lips!
How To Cook With Lava added
16 November 2002
One day every home will have a stove
destruction of Babylon added 16 November 2002
Think back to 1999, when we were all waiting for Armageddon to happen
in the next year. Well, it didn't happen then because it is going to
happen next year. It was just easier for everyone to talk about "Y2K"
as if it was a problem because of our natural affinity for round numbers.
I'm sure you will agree that "2000" sounds so much more likely
as a problem year than "2003" does. The smart ones knew, though,
and they knew that nobody was going to want any toilet paper, beans,
ammunition, computers or water bottles when the real crunch came, so
it was more profitable to sell all these things a few years before the
real end came. Now the truth is out, and it is too late to do anything
2003 came. The world went on. This prophecy site didn't.
PB October 5, 2003
synthesis of the Russian Textbook on Psychopolitics
added 16 November 2002
You've got to
hand it to those Russians. All those years of the Cold War and they
had the secret weapon of mind control up their sleeves, but they never
seemed to get around to using it. I suppose they were testing it at
home on their own people first so that they could get it right before
it was unleashed on the unsuspecting and vulnerable rest of us. Then
they did some extended tests in eastern Europe just to make sure it
was all working perfectly. Finally, it was finished, tested and perfected.
All that remained was to use it to dominate the world. Quite a success,