Quintessence of the Loon

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Have you ever seen anything more anomalous?Mars Anomaly Research added 31 December 2002
Mars is a very anomalous place. Bernie Taupin told us that it is not the place to raise our kids, and the huge number of anomalies is just one of the reasons. Any place with big glass tubes, densely packed life evidence and dual domes is certainly a place to be wary of. Oh, we all know about that old picture of a face on mars, but that was probably just put there to distract us from the real anomalies. It's not even as good a face as the Colossal Head Monument. And then there's the Giant Plant Life that looks like huge lichens. Anomalous as all get out.

Bird Art added 31 December 2002
You've heard of a travelling art show? Well, this is one that you see when you are travelling.

Loon of the Month

It's no real surprise to find out that Mars is anomalous or that the aliens followed their environmental care policies by having a catch tank at their car wash, but it was a bit surprising to find out that history happened in a different order to what the books say.
The pyramid bone's connected to the king bone.Ancient history : Fraud of chronology : Ancient Egypt ,Ancient Greece added 31 December 2002
Imagine if you could collect every date recorded in every history book in the world, and then add to this every place where any historical event had ever been supposed to happen. Then you added to the pile the number of letters in all the historical writings about each year, and, just for good measure, you threw in the number of times each year was mentioned in later years. You could then get a computer to look at all this stuff and see if there were any patterns there. You could look for coincidences and sequences of numbers. You could show that Shakespeare was able to write about Cleopatra and Henry IV (both parts of him) because he knew them personally. You could even show how the people translating the Bible for King James in 1610 were working just a few days behind the gospel writers and only a matter of months after Moses collected the Commandments. Those pyramids in Egypt don't look so clever when you know that they were going up at the same time as Rheims Cathedral, do they?

Down and down I goThe Free Fall Research Page added 31 December 2002

You lean against the window on the observation deck of your city's tallest building to get a better view, when suddenly the glass gives way and you start to plummet. You pass horrified office workers looking out from their desks, and a window cleaner tries to grab you but misses. You land with a thud in the street and bounce but once. Faintly you hear a voice say "Get that man an ambulance", then another voice says "And tell him about this web site ...".

There's mud in them thar hills. And spaceships.Chilca Healing Mud from Spaceships! added 31 December 2002
There are mud baths and spas all over the world. Many claim to have magic healing powers derived from the minerals in the mud, or from some geomantic property of the mud pool location, or perhaps from a nearby apparition of some saint or virgin. Al these places will have to lift their games if they want the wallowers to keep coming back, because now there is a site endorsed by aliens. That's right, folks, if you go to Chilca you can see real mud washed from the wheel wells of alien SUVs and sprinkled with the particulate matter from the exhaust of flying saucers.

Christmas present suggestions
Rather than the usual collections of loonity, I have decided that this week I will let you know about some places where you can get the perfect gifts for the people you really care about.
  • Is this what they mean by the expression "culinary arts"?The Toast Artist
    What says "Honey, I love you" better than something made out of toast? Imagine the look on your wife's face when you tell her to stay in bed while you get the toast and then you wheel in the portrait of Elvis? She will remember this Christmas for ever, and everyone at the tennis club will be absolutely green with envy.
  • Put it on the shelf next to the Crock Pot.Spinal Cord Remover
    Just what every cook needs to get started on the Christmas dinner. There you are, the coals nicely glowing in the kettle barbecue, the beer in the ice, the family gathered around, present wrappings all over the place. The cook is about to start roasting the animal for dinner when suddenly Aunty Beryl starts worrying about Mad Cow Disease. Just as panic is setting in, you reach behind the sofa and pull out that last surprise present.
  • This gives new meaning to "Lighting the Christmas Tree"Medical Marijuana Christmas Tree
    The perfect decoration for your living room. Here in Australia pine trees with fake snow on them always seem a bit strange when it's 40 degrees Celsius outside and the sky is filled with bushfire smoke. What better then than to have a tree which doesn't drop needles on the floor, has a pleasant smell which doesn't clash with burning eucalyptus, and which you don't have to take to the dump afterwards because your teenage son's friends will offer to dispose of it for you? As an added advantage, you don't have to leave out any cake for Santa Claus. He always has his pipe with him ...
  • Who could resist an eye like that?Leopard Geckos
    The kids always like a pet for Christmas. A pet is a gift which keeps on giving. For years they keep on giving veterinary bills, food bills, and bunions from taking them for walks. A gecko is different, especially a leopard one. You can tell the kids that a leopard is a sort of cat, so the cat lovers will be happy. It has spots, so children who have read the "Spot the Dog" books will be comfortable with the choice. The best bit, however, is that when you take them for a ride in the car and they hang their heads out of the window, they don't dribble down the side of the car and you get many admiring looks from fellow motorists. Mine stands on the back of my seat and puts his head out of the sunroof. Perfect.
  • Do you really want to know what a dog is saying?Dog translator
    If you decide against the gecko and go the conventional route by buying a dog, you will need to be able to talk to the dog. Training takes time, and it can seem an eternity before the dog seems to understand what you are saying to it. Part of the problem is that the dog has no way of providing feedback, because you have as much trouble understanding it as it has of figuring out what the noises you make mean. Help is now available.
  • A gift that lasts forever.Life Gem
    Everyone gets stuck sometime with the need to find a last minute present with no time to go shopping properly, and sometimes we resort to gift vouchers. Usually gift vouchers are seen as the sign of laziness or forgetfulness, but you would have the perfect excuse this time because you could hardly deliver the present in person. These vouchers won't be tossed in a drawer and forgotten either, because the recipients will be eager to get their diamonds. I just thought - maybe this is the perfect way to give a dog as a present. No vet fees, no walks, ...

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